It Has Been Awhile… But I’m Not Sorry

Hey y’all, it has been awhile. A whole month to be exact. But I’m not sorry.

I say that in the MOST selfish way. My first blog was named titled A New Chapter, A New Perspective & A New Me, that blog was about me finding myself and my happiness. Along with finding myself I grew to KNOW myself. I know when I’m tired. I know when something is off… even if I’m not sure of what that something is at that exact moment. I know when I need to walk away. I know when I need to cut off a toxic relationship. And most importantly… I KNOW WHEN I NEED A BREAK.

About a month ago I hit a wall. And when I say hit, I mean SLAMMED into this wall. I woke up one day and had lost ever ounce of motivation that was once in me. I had spread myself too thin. I was finally settling into my new town and my new apartment. I was waking up at 9:30 am on the dot every morning. I was reading my bible and writing about my daily devotion. I was doing homework, studying, going to class and taking tests. I was trying to remember to eat when I had the time. I was trying to workout and “look” they way I use to. The day would end. I would shower, try to sleep & repeat it all over again the next day. I was exhausted. I was going through the motions. I wasn’t doing a single thing with purpose. And I had forgotten my WHY. My why… my reasons to keep pushing. So, I stopped. I took a day to myself to rest and remember my “why’s”. I wrote them down:

  • Waking up early: To feel refreshed, to get more things done before class
  • Reading my bible/daily devotion: To keep my relationship with God #1, to slow down
  • School work/going to class: To get the degree that will allow me to have my dream job

And I sat there. Looked over these “why’s” and thought wow… How blessed am I to be able to wake up whenever I want, how blessed am I to have a relationship with God and how blessed am I to be able to attend college. I cried. I felt guilty for not having the motivation to do things that some people would love to do. I prayed to God that day to thank Him for all He has blessed me with and for all the opportunities He has given me. I realized quickly that the problem was just that. I had not been praying. I was completing my bible reading and my daily devotion but was I really. It had become more of a thing to “check off” the to-do list than what it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be my one on one time with God. The time I set aside daily to grow closer to Him. Not only was I neglecting the bible reading and the devotion, but my nightly prayers had stopped. No wonder I felt off! I am not who I am, nor who I want to be without Him. My relationship with God was being affected so it was affecting every other aspect of my life as well. “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12 I think often we get so caught up in the craziness of life and forget our why’s. I cannot express how important is to know and recognize our own needs. I’m glad I was able to recognize I needed a break. Giving myself that time I got to assess the issue and find a solution.

What I wish to have my readers take from this is: be selfish. Put yourself first. Take the time to recognize your own needs and take the appropriate actions. And don’t apologize for doing what is best for you.

With that being said…The break is over! I am back! I am ready to share with you all again!

xoxo Taryn

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